i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize