She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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