You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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