Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
