i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
