You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
