out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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