super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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