last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
