good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
