Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This couple is walking their pig around campus
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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