Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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