he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
