Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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