So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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