A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
