Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
