Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
