everyone is single if you try hard enough
so let's talk penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
