I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at about main and main street
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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