Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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