oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize