I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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