Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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