exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
