you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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