Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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