I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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