im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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