I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
