butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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