walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
