lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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