I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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