How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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