No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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