I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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