some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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