There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize