do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We talked him into tasing himself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
