Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
