How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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