i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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