YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
