She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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