I seem to have left my pride at pride
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
