well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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