you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
