she kept yelling 'call me bella'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
