I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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