Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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