What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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