So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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