after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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