Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You left your phone here
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