I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Terrible idea I love it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
