Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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