im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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