The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
