she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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