Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
