I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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