I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
