Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
