Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
