My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
