Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is classic penis vs brain.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
